Coping with drama on the job is among the worst parts of being an executive. It gets the potential to suck the life out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for lots of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The very best exemplory case of this really is one my clients - we will call him John.
John may be the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You can literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the newest drama of the day. "I simply don't get it. What's everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like working with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We could all connect with John. We've all experience political situations that we would rather forget. Those occasions when we are caught in a pinnacle of workplace drama - one person is upset, gossip in the business is rampant, and we feel such as for instance a ping pong ball once we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what's an executive to do? If you are caught in drama, how do you get free from this dark hole?
To start, let's discuss what never to do. John illustrates this well. Everytime John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. And in addition, the placating nod does the absolute most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, but when John he takes no action, they get mad. End result? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Some individuals get angry. The irony is that now people have a brand new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It is not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, a few things. To begin with, he distanced himself from the drama to the level he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became the main drama problem because nothing got dealt with in a constructive way.
Among the basic principles of working with drama at work is to identify your emotional patterns when you encounter drama and to identify how your typical reaction plays a role in the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could took an alternative tactic when employees came to him about issues. He may have expressed confidence within their ability to take care of the specific situation constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or earned an experienced alternative party to greatly help them. Instead, he was so busy managing their own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which includes blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the details of the specific situation and they include these roles:
The Persecutor: "The corporation is this kind of hole." "I can't believe the grade of management." "It is all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is just a real idiot." All the energy goes into finding someone or something the culprit for all the company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel a lot better and, of course, it means other people have to change, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They use a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They might search for you to definitely rescue them, or the culprit, in order to remove their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They are "do-gooders" without boundaries. "Allow me to fix this. Allow me to take this on." "I can save the day." "Allow me to rescue this poor person who had been hard done by." Rescuers may try to greatly help people without being asked, or they have a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Many people learn the ability of being a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they continue this behaviour within their career without being alert to it. As an executive, if you engage in this behaviour or answer it, you'll escalate the drama and there would have been a price to pay for - people won't wish to work for you, you'll feel drained at work, and you'll develop a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you need setting the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are some specific tactics:
- Watch out for drama triangles and start to look closely at who is playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful which role you tend to play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization to take on a specific role. Are people "bonding" with one another when they have somebody else the culprit? Are they avoiding working with the complexity of issues by blaming one person? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby providing them with power? Have you been creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what's being avoided by participating in the drama. Is there some deeper issues in the business that must be addressed? In that case, what are they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you currently doing? Not doing? What are you currently taking responsibility for? Perhaps you have agreed to do a lot more than you want to?
- Once you get triggered by a dilemma, focus on grounding yourself. Don't deal with the drama until you may get involved without escalating your personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthier outcome by focusing on principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Recognize that the more intense the drama, the harder it is to get visitors to develop a healthier outcome.
-If you are too close to the issue accessible, get a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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